March Madness

Foreign Policy March Madness

Make Your Own Bracket.

My Bracket.

A write up of last year’s tournament is available here.  Check it out to better understand the style of my own tournament analysis. 

Matchups to Watch:

India v. Brazil:  Last year these emerging heavyweights met in a thrilling Elite 8 match-up from which Brazil’s Rousseff progressed to the Final Four to face Obama.  Both BRICS Nations are on top of their game but this year the edge goes to Singh.  India is working to become the only nation to become a permanent member of the UNSC since the inception of the United Nations; and that will carry them through this tough first round matchup. 

Obama v. Netanyahu:  President Obama was able to control the backboard and get a win over Netanyahu in a home court match up earlier this month.  That said, The Oval Office is probably the second friendliest gym for Israel play in, and at a truly neutral site Obama will win handily.

Players to Watch:

Castro Brothers: Or in this case it is, “players not to watch.”  Cuba wasn’t invited to America’s Summit… and they made THIS tourney?!?!  This is an easy win for Robert Mugabe. 

Putin: Vladi is running down hill after a decisive “victory” in the recent Russian Presidential election and some strong diplomacy regarding Syria and Iran.  He isn’t unstoppable, but this is his tournament to lose. 

Kim Jong Un: The new leader of North Korea is close to securing tons of food aid from the United States by promising to freeze its nuclear weapon program.  Lil’ Kim’s father would be proud to see his son exploiting the United States for free food while only briefly pausing North Korea’s nuclear program.  Unfortunately for Kim his road to the Final Four is through Tehran, and that is a level of crazy this young leader can’t play at yet. 

Note: North Korean defectors interviewed in April 2011 thought the tournament was a Battle Royale among foreign leaders fighting for the favor of Kim Jong Il, who once brought a knife to a gun fight and won. 

Late Tournament Action:

Game # 30, Putin v. Ahmadinejad: These two met in the semi finals last year but this will not be a repeat.  Despite a strong performance by the KGB veteran in the early rounds, Putin’s age has caught up to him.  Strong fundamentals can only make up for so much, and in this game the 20 minute half time didn’t give the Russia bear enough time for the hibernation he needed.  Ahmadinejad pulls ahead in the late third quarter and doesn’t look back as he advances to his first finals appearance.  

Finals, Obama v. Ahmadinejad: No one doubted that Obama would make it to this game.  Despite a tough Elite 8 matchup against Angela Merkel (Who has been bench pressing the European economy for training) his tried and true Hope play won in the end.  In the semi finals Obama looked casual against Singh of India as he spoke confidently and inspirationally about great things; propelling him to a second consecutive tournament championship game, the first leader to do so in the two year history of the tournament.

The Game: With a disregard for his citizens that would have made Stalin blush, Ahmadinejad refused once and for all to freeze Iran’s nuclear program.  Although he didn’t, “hesitate to use force,” Obama was beaten to the first punch by Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu, who swooped down from the rafters shouting, “I will never allow my people to live in the shadow of annihilation!”  When the dust had settled the bewildered officials and President Obama beheld a triumphant Netanyahu, posed like Washington crossing the Delaware, over his vanquished advisory. 

After a lengthy discussion and numerous calls to the review booth (manned by Kofi Annan) the officials declare Netanyahu the 2012 March Madness Champion.  With reelection less than eight months away Obama humbly accepts the decision of the officials, and the financial and political support of AIPAC on account of his unprecedented support of Israel.